You know how there are these people who just KNOW how to behave in front of their crushes?
Uh-huh. Just not one of them.
I swear, I could be the most confident girl in the room, possibly even strut around the place like I own it. Usually got my humor on point too.
Right up until the point this crush thingy sneaks up upon me aaand then I’m just literally like “ uh, potato?”
So since making lists is my forte, thought I’d let you guys know everything I’ve done so far in the whole crush arena that is definitely NOT the way to deal with it, haha!
Disclaimer: The facts disclosed below are NOT products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is NOT AT ALL coincidental.
- Thug Life
So we have girls putting up all cute and dainty pictures of themselves to impress their crushes and then there’s me.
Putting this up –
‘Cuz thug life is just the way into his heart yo
2. Standard procedure for awkward scenes = Hug
I don’t know why, but every time I sense things get awkward, I have a tendency to just hug it out.
With friends, that’s okay.
With your crush? Um, this is sort of how it’ll go –
*clumsy waving, bordering on spaz attack*
*trips multiple times because just cannot*
*lack of hand-eye-face-foot co-ordination*
*awkward level – infinity*
*Hence, random hug*
*end of future possibility of love life*
*cry in a corner*
- Handling compliments in the MOST awkward way ever
Okay, I cannot, for the love of God, understand how people react to compliments.
Like hello, do I look at you? Or look at the sky? Do I respond with a smile? Small smile? Big smile? Teeth smile? It gets so intense! I swear this happened –
“You look gorgeous”
*6 seconds of me trying to remember how to breathe*
*cue bear hug* (Refer to point 3)
‘Cuz shy is coming
- One compliment = Wear for next ten years
“You look nice today”
*throws everything western away*
Chudidar = bae for next ten years
Thug life gayi baad mein.
- Purposely run into him by accident
Come on, don’t tell me you guys haven’t ever done it too!
Half my conversations with my crush usually start like this –
“Hey! Fancy seeing you here!”
*mental fist pump because stud prediction*
‘Cuz I is stud
- Overthink everything
I have the attention span of a peanut. But when it comes to over-analyzing everything my crush is doing, I’m a freaking thesis writer!
*looks at glares by friends*
*ok un-fist pump*
This is how my mind usually works around him –
Did he just give me the eyebrow raise – why do I read those articles on signs a guy likes me – omg cannot concentrate – how do people even figure if the pupil increases in size – how do they write these articles – why can’t it be more obvious signs – why is his jawline so perfect – he looked at me for 3.485745896 seconds more than he usually does – did he just – like – what – is he holding my hand – uh yes – suddenly cannot feel my hands – crap forgot to start counting how long that was for – think it is high time the world invents something to figure this out – like hello what is the world doing with its life – so stressed sigh
Life is so complicated. *sigh*
- Tell the cashier about him + Offer dating tips
My previous article mentioned about how I’m mastering the art of small talk with cashiers.
Well, it has reached this point –
“Hi Ma’am, how are you?”
“Urgh, I’m okay! My crush is in the next aisle!”
*does a fancy jig*
*5 sec silence = cashier figuring if I just said what I just said*
“I totally know how that feels!”
“Yeah, I sometimes see my crush at my counter”
“You should totally ask her outttttttt”
(It doesn’t matter if I am absolutely clueless, but heck, I will give random dating tips ok)
“I probably should! Good luck with that boy, girl!”
“Ah well fingers crossed!”
*actually crossing my fingers*
MUST. DO. FANCY. JIG.
- Roll on the floor laughing at his jokes
Okay my crush is hilarious. Only to me, sadly.
This is pretty much how I am every time he cracks a joke –
*roll on floor laughing*
*clapping like a seal multiple times*
While my friends –
He’s funny ok. I swear.
- Confess about my crush via a blog post
Uh, firstly, this isn’t a confession.
Secondly, I’m an independent woman who isn’t gonna let my heart get swayed.
Thirdly, pffft. I’m like a thug. I ain’t gonna fall for anyone.
*crush walks by*
*hide under blanket forever*
Forever awkward in this crush phase,