She’s beautiful. I look at her, and I’m just awe-struck. Every. Single. Time. I’ve actually seen her do a jig in the bus. Out of the blue. When she throws her head up and laughs, something pulls me towards her.
Somedays, I see her look outside the window, alone and quiet. Immersed in her own thoughts. Other days, I see her face light up when she’s watching few people dance on her phone. I also see her in the library, often. She sits in the corner table on the third floor. Always. I think that’s her spot. She tucks her hair behind her ear, I think she does that when she’s trying to focus, and that tugs my heart a bit. She seems to like wearing Indian clothes, and it is amazing for me to see how different she looks in them!
The worst part?
She doesn’t know I exist.
Mondays. Wednesdays. Fridays.
That’s when I catch her.
I still remember the first time I saw her. We were standing at the bus-stop and she had her headphones on. She was tapping her feet to the beat, her lips moving ever so slightly, and her head was swaying a little. I laughed to myself. We ended up standing together in the bus and every time the bus moved, she would move with it. Balancing herself in the bus was clearly not one of her strengths. She’d fall on to me, and then apologize and then fall again and then apologize and look determined not to fall again. She looked ridiculously cute doing that.
That’s when I started to notice her. The way she walked. The way she talked, waving her hands all around. The way she makes an effort to climb on to the bus because it’s just too wide for her. I’ve heard her talk. You will NOT believe the speed at which she talks. I think about her, more often than I’d admit. She’s..different.
Maybe the attraction is all physical. Or maybe it was, initially, until I started to notice her more.
Whatever it is, as absurd as it sounds, I’m drawn towards her.
It’s 8.10. He’s not here yet. And the bus is here. Maybe, just maybe, my foot got stuck in the one foot of snow and I can’t move right now. Does that seem like a legit reason why I should miss this bus? Uh, hello, yes.
I’m not waiting for him. Pfft. Why would I do that?
No, I didn’t dress up for him.
Can you not look at me suspiciously? Yeah, thanks.
Is he not coming today? It’s 8.17. Why can’t guys ever be on time?
Aha! That must be him. I can totally recognize him by his footsteps now.
Oh wait. Not him. Sigh.
Urgh. Next bus is here. Can’t miss this or I’ll be late to class.
Maybe today is just not my day to see him.
Wait. SOMEONE decides to hop onto the bus in the last minute. I’m supposed to be grinning in my head, but clearly I have issues with my poker face.
The first time I noticed him? I was waiting for the bus to stop so that I could get onto it, and I see this guy come half running, half trying to put on his shoes! He stops right beside me, all flustered, and I thought it was hilarious!
I began to notice him after that. I’d spot him in the library. At the bus-stop. Sometimes, on the bus on my way back home. He’s got bright blue eyes, messy hair, and a bit of a stubble. He’s insanely tall. Okay not insanely but then for a girl of 5 feet, that’s um, well, intimidating. He’s usually by himself. Seems like an introvert. But I could be wrong. I do love men with a good sense of humor so I’m sorta crossing my fingers hoping that he’s funny.
The first time I noticed he was noticing me back? ( I’m way too smart for my own good I tell you) It was pretty late at night, and it was just the two of us at the back of the bus. I could see him looking at me from the window’s reflection. I did turn, and he gave me a small smile. I returned the smile, but I think I looked like I was grimacing. I think it’s high time I learn how to do the nice smile+blush+look down+flutter eyelashes thingy that normal girls do. Neither of us pursued a conversation. I’ve kept trying to pluck up my courage to say a hello, but we all know what a chicken I am.
Someday, I’m gonna say hi. Or by then this whole telepathy thing would’ve been figured out and I could resort to that. I’m seriously hoping for the latter though.
My point of this was to remind you of all those secret crushes we’ve had over the years! The girl in your chemistry class who was so smart? Or that guy in the canteen the other day? That girl who walked past you once in the corridor and you thought she looked good? That guy in the National Debate Competition who was just totally killing it and you were staring at him in awe? Random crushes on people you have never met before. People you would probably never get to talk to ever again. People you would never bump into again. People you’ve just caught a glimpse of, and yet somehow have impacted you.
Now hold on for a second. Realise that YOU were this person to so so many people out there. Realise that someone at some point, has looked at you and thought, “Wow. He’s amazing.” Or “She’s gorgeous” or “ He’s so confident” or “She dances so well”. It doesn’t look like it would, but trust me, it does happen.
I know for a fact that some days I wake up feeling like a potato. Sometimes I feel there’s nothing about me that could charm anyone. On those days, I think about this, and I feel a lot better about myself! I thought of writing this for every single person who has felt the same about themselves. There are moments of a dip in your self-esteem, and that’s okay. There are self-doubts, and well, that’s okay as well! Not everyone is going to tell you how you’ve impacted their lives positively. Sometimes, the most beautiful of compliments gets hidden from you. You’ve got to find it in you to know you are amazing! This happens to be one of the ways that actually works for me, haha!
I usually write about what I’m going through (surprise, surprise!) and this absolutely resonates with what I’ve felt over the past couple of days and I thought I’d pen my thoughts. Self-love is the best kind of love, but sometimes you do fall short of making yourself feel better. We all are entitled to our ‘feel good’ thoughts, and this happens to be one of them for me and I thought I’d share it with you guys!
On that note, Happpyyy Valentine’s Dayyy! ❤
Hope you liked the article!
Still rooting for the telepathy thingy,